MP3

Stay tuned, everyone! :)

On to launching the site, I’d say :-)

Meiyo x

Is this where we part? “I’ll see you around.”
And your figure makes its way through the crowd

Far away from me, God only can see
If your eyes are shedding silent tears like mine

Every word you whispered, one by one
Haunts my every thought
If only you could give me back my heart…

Despite the many times that we were happy
Desolating thoughts were raining down on us
Still I hope that we are somehow meant to be
And I won’t spend a lifetime without you

There’s so much more that I still want to tell you
Hidden in my heart and only because
I’m in love with you, I’m in love with you
Head over heels in love with you

Is this where I turn—”Were you even real?”
—when all I want is to go running after you?

But as the winter wind is howling through my veins
Any hope I had seems petty and inane

Of every single smile you sent my way
Mere memories remain
If only I could find our dreams again…

I know you won’t be here to save my world
No matter how I try, no matter how I fight
I know I shouldn’t cry although we said good-bye
And I will spend a lifetime without you

I wonder if you knew the kind of feelings
I hid inside my heart and only because
I’m in love with you, I’m still in love with you
Still head over heels in love with you

Let me explain. :)

I was celebrating the existence of lazy days—one I believed I really deserved after a really busy week, full of studying for my first imperative programming exam and also creating a Mandelbrot applet at the same time (which is really cool by the way)—by scavenging FanFiction.net and FictionPress.com for some good stories. I was in need of a superbly well written piece of romance, preferably with some kind of action or adventure to compliment it.

It really depends on my mood whether I check the amount of chapters and, most importantly, the amount of reviews or whether I scurry through the favourite stories of my favourite authors to find the gems, and this time it was the latter. And thus I stumbled upon a Bleach fanfic, called Odalisque by Tituba3. I think now is appropriate to mention that Ichigo and Rukia are by far my all-time favourite anime couple and I haven’t even seen or read Bleach in its entirety. They just fit together brilliantly. Needless to say, I love them and I love reading about them, and if anyone can recommend another good story about them, send me a message :P

Anyway, the book… it’s brilliant, I tell you. The characters are truly in-character and the plot is thick and well thought out. Almost everyone, but especially Ichigo and Rukia sprout some of the most hilariously brilliant things I have ever read. And despite the fact that, halfway, the story turns very, very M-rated, it’s still brilliant. I’ll be honest in saying the lemons are also very, very well written. So I found myself hooked.

But alas, the day passed along quickly and I had only worked my way through half of the chapters—she’s written a total of 45, and all of them are blissfully long (the very reason I refer to it as a ‘book’, instead of just a story, cause as the author herself pointed out: “If this fic were a TV series, with 12 episodes per season, it’d be well into the third season. Something to think about.”)—before my parents said I was spending too much time with my nose pressed against the computer screen.

And throughout the following week, I tried to continue reading whenever I could. Unfortunately, I also let slip in my annoying habit of skipping ahead a few chapters—because sometimes I can’t handle the tension and need to know what’s going to happen or when a certain conflict is going to be solved—and then skipping back so I can actually read the whole thing chronologically—(the fact that I went back to continue reading where I had left off only stresses the quality of the story).

But the thing was, which is also the reason for my post, whenever I wasn’t reading, the time I had to concentrate on finishing yet another Java applet (this time one that allows you to play the game Reversi) and on studying for yet another exam, I felt weird. Butterflies were swirling in my stomach and created a slightly disturbing feel of longing to continue reading. It was just like being in love.

Literally.

It was the exact same feeling I’ve only felt a couple of times before now, and those times I was near someone I was interested in romantically. This time it was just as strong or maybe even stronger than the strongest of those previous times, so strong it almost made me feel sick.

I realise this is slightly weird, which is why I’m doubting whether I should post it at all, but I was wondering… I’m probably not the only one who experiences something like this sometimes, right? I mean, I know people can be a huge fan of films and books and all that stuff, but this is simply different…

Because, as I said, technically it’s not the first time. I’ve experienced the same thing (not as forecful) when reading Harry Potter all those years back (what was I? 11?), and also when reading one of the most brilliant and longest Harry Potter fanfictions by Cassandra Claire (which I, thank God, collected, put in a PDF, and printed before they were taken offline), and again when stumbling across Velf’s Spirited Away fanfiction, and later on her continuation of Fullmetal Alchemist. But I never really thought about it.

So, apparently, yes, you can fall and be in love with a story. Of course, it’s love on a whole different level and of a completely different kind, but to me, it still is love.

These kind of stories (or well written romance in general) also make me wish I had already found someone to love and to be loved in return, but alas.

Just wanted to share this :) Let me know what you think, even if you think I’m completely bonkers.

When I’m without you my days feel gloomy
They’re so long, and so gray
My days without you

When I’m without you my days seem foolish
Seem bitter, seem so hard
My days without you

When I’m without you nights will not fall
and if dusk appears
sleep will not arrive soon

When I’m without you I’ll waste my time
Hours lack a beginning, and lack an end too

No air left to breathe
Surroundings so bleak
Floors littered with remnants
Like thoughts split to fragments
Oh, when I’m without you

When I’m without you my skies are empty
No silvery moons and
no trace of the sun

My days without you are like an echo
which just keeps repeating
the same and old song

No air left to breathe
Surroundings so bleak
Floors littered with remnants
Like thoughts split to fragments
Oh, when I’m without you

I keep on believing and hoping
someday you will come back to my arms
I’m hunting for reasons: do elders still
feature the time they were young?
I need explanations which will make me believe
that I’m truly still alive
Living these years
Just drowning in tears
and missing you much

When I’m without you….
Oh, I’m without you…

Oh without you,
It still aches all the days I’m not with you

With you…
With you…

No, don’t bring me your excuses
Don’t stay and don’t persist
Apologies existed long before you did

And no, don’t start with your rhetoric
Just speak for yourself
Don’t forget I’ve known you since the age of twelve

I’ll ask you now never to return again
Don’t you know that you still hurt me deep inside?
In my heart
And I am sure that you’ve lived long enough
To know best how to break a person’s heart

No, no one can live without some affection
Your love was greater than the greatest hope
I’d ever known before
And I swear, I’m not lying

No, no one can live without some devotion
But I’ll never give my heart like that again
I choose life over love
Preferring silence to death

I hope you don’t want to find me waiting
Since you’ve left me all alone
My patience has turned dry long ago

And now, collecting daisy petals
I’m blinded by the tears
Instead of flowers my eyes see the better years

So I will ask you not to return again
Now you know that you still hurt me deep inside
In my heart
And now I’m sure that you’ve lived long enough
To know best how to break my heart

No, no one can live without some affection
Your love was greater than the greatest hope
I’d ever known before
And I swear, I’m not lying

No, no one can live without some devotion
I’ll never give my heart like that again
I choose life over love
Preferring silence to death